SMack!

My Thoughts (2/4)
by Mistress Pamela

The majority of submissives are not "doormats"; rather, they are usually independent, intelligent, authoritative people. As often as not, they are in management, or successfully self-employed.
This paradox causes much soul-searching when a submissive discovers her "nature"; she naturally finds it puzzling (sometimes agonizing!) that she has such a strong desire to give up control when she has striven all her life to be successful and independent. Still, once they become accustomed to the idea, they find that it is not that difficult to reconcile the two roles; in essence, she is leading a double life--the successful careerist and the loving submissive!

As I said earlier, D/s seems to be inborn. My Dominant nature is something I had "known" all along; not something I suddenly became, or decided to "try out". In My teen years what I lacked was the "definition"; the identity of belonging to the D/s "scene".(Many vanilla people think of it strictly in terms of sadomasochism, which in their small minds was equivalent to abuse.)
This experience seems to be common to virtually all members of the D/s community; the feelings have been there as long as they can remember. Usually, it is quite by accident that one discovers her/his natures; through a friend or acquaintance, or happening across the right book.
Some are fortunate enough to discover it in their teens or twenties; others must wait longer before discovering what they have been missing all these years …! Often this new awareness leads to great agony, as the discoverer may be married and raising a family. In some cases they will stay with their commitment to family rather than opt out for the Lifestyle their souls crave; or if they do the latter, they usually have strong reasons apart from this new desire. What makes a person Dominant or submissive? What are the recognizable traits?

Certainly we are the most ordinary of people; it's a myth that we all naturally prefer black leather clothing and collect tattoos and piercings! (Of course, that in itself isn't unusual in these times!) Recognizing the traits within ourselves often comes just as hard. They may be suppressed because we know family, friends and society would disapprove of them, or because they seem silly. Probably the strongest repression comes of the belief that they are fantasies we will never have an opportunity to live out. For me, one of the biggest revelations came when I understood that D/s gives Me an opportunity to actually experience the many things I had fantasized about! So … how can one know? Here are some examples that many people have experienced from time to time. I'll express them from the submissive viewpoint; but it's easy to turn them around in your mind and imagine "giving" as easily as "receiving" …

Have you ever:
had your wrists gripped firmly together, or bound with a scarf/belt or rope?
has your partner ever held you firmly by the wrists so you could not move?
experienced a thrill while listening to your lover use "naughty" or explicit language?
enjoyed it when your partner called you "bitch", "pussy", "slut"?
enjoyed being nibbled, bitten or pinched--or spanked?
been physically "wrestled" to the floor, or had a "tickle fight"?
engaged in mock "arguments"?
enjoyed being teased or mildly embarrassed?
enjoyed being mildly "threatened" or frightened by your partner?
enjoyed being sexually teased and distracted while attempting to do routine chores?
been "forced" into engaging in a sexual act you thought you didn't want to do?
engaged in voyeuristic or exhibitionistic play?
playfully "begged" for sex?

These are just a few examples …
The point is not whether you have experienced any of the above; you may have done several of them, or you may only have thought about them or read them in a book.
(Many modern romances have quite a few of these elements!) The point is how they made you feel.
Did you suddenly feel a little thrill when you experienced (or thought about) one or more of them? Did they lead up to a more intense and exciting sexual experience? Are they common fantasies, whether daydreaming or masturbating? And if so, which side did you find yourself identifying with: the Dom or the sub/slave? This Is Not A Quiz; it isn't intended to help you decide on the spot if you fit the profile! Think of it, rather, as food for thought.