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The D/s Paradigm

by essence - 23.08.1999

Mistress Essence is often asked about the basis of the D/s relationship and the following are my own observations about the lifestyle.

  • First of all, to me submission is a beautiful gift from one Human to another. It has certain qualities that define its Essence.
  • The gift of submission is freely given but can also be withdrawn at any time.
  • The giver of the gift possesses the power.
  • The recipient of the gift possesses the power.
  • Submission is part of the power exchange between consensual partners.

Second, there are several cornerstones to the D/s relationship.

  • Trust is the primary consideration of the relationship.
  • Respect is very important to the partners in the relationship.
  • Communication between loving partners is essential for without it there is the possibility of physical and or emotional harm.
  • Permission asked and given is important, and open discussions before or after scenes give necessary feedback to make the exploration of the pleasure/pain continuum more rewarding to all.

Third, the exchange of power is an integral part of the D/s relationship.

  • There are rewards intrinsic in the exchange of power between DOM/DOMME and sub.
  • Power is earned by the ability to trust and respect one's partner.
  • Power comes with responsibility…the DOM/DOMME must protect and preserve the well being of his submissive and the submissive must value and respect the needs and desires of his/her DOMINANT.Power can also be observed in the use and observance of the safeword to establish the boundaries of one's comfort zone and ability to freely participate in the activities of the D/s experience without fear of physical or emotional harm.

Finally, the realization that one brings into the D/s relationship
The total of his/her life experience, and human needs must be respectfully met. There is a deep connection and warm attention exchanged between caring partners. The true D/s relationship, which withstands the test of time, contains trust, respect, affection, caring, and Love.

"The D/s Paradigm"
by essence, 23.08.1999
© 1997-2005 BDSM Backroom/essence
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