© 1997-2005 BDSM Backroom
At first - let's clear up a few misconceptions about both the practitioners and the practices of BDSM:
BDSM is not just about getting someone into an inescapable situation and
BDSM is not a solo practice. You need at least one other partner to safely satisfy that urge, whether you are dominant or submissive. Selecting the correct partner is crucial. Make sure that this person is someone you know well and that you trust implicitly. This person should be made well aware of your intentions and desires and should be 100% consenting. No ifs ands or buts.
Proper communication is an absolute must. It does not just start and end before the act. It is imperative that you and your partner/s establish effective means of communication throughout all of it. Make sure that everyone involved is aware at all times of how you feel about what you are doing or having done to you. This is not necessarily going to kill spontaneity or ruin a 'scene' for anyone. Quite the contrary.
Before anything happens, be sure that you have a set of SAFE WORDS and/or signals ready. A safe word, is simply put, a word or signal that has a definite meaning to the person/s that hear/s it, usually when the submissive has been pushed beyond the limit of what s/he finds pleasurable or feels s/he is in danger and needs the dominant to stop or lighten up a bit. If you do not use safe words, you will find that BDSM is suddenly a very dangerous game.
BDSM is a highly emotional activity. It pushes both the dominant and submissive parties to their respective emotional and sometimes physical limits. There will be times that both sides need the support, approval and love of the other. Never ridicule your partner for not being capable of performing an act which is beyond their personal limits. Spend time after your session being affectionate and receptive. Likes and dislikes are very personal. Some of us just can't do some things. It's nothing to criticize. Move on to something you BOTH enjoy. Trust me, you'll come upon a situation you personally can't handle, and you'll be glad of having someone tell you that you aren't defective/wimpy/whatever.
Everyone has things they just do not enjoy. Make sure you establish a set
of limits before you even think about embarking on a session. Be honest with yourself and
your partner or the experience will not be all it could. If you dislike being struck a
certain way or with certain objects, let your dominant know this. If you don't, you might
regret it later.
REMEMBER: When you dominate somebody, you need to be INCREDIBLY AWARE of EVERYTHING that is happening in the scene. If you slack on this issue, you could end up seriously injuring your partner mentally or physically. Being a TOP does have its rewards, but eternal vigilance is the price you pay for being in charge.
Author: Ashtarot - 01.02.1998