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Safety When Meeting For The First Time

© 2002/2003 by Postat

There is a tiny but very dangerous percentage of people out there which in all probability you will never meet. But you would be wise, in any event, to take measures to protect yourself from them.

HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW THIS PERSON?

Can this person give you any kind of reference, or what munches and clubs are they known at?
Have any of your friends or fellow pervs, at munches, clubs or in channel heard of them? Are they known by people at the places they say they are known at?

Don't be shy! Ask around. People will understand and gladly help you. In fact they will probably tell you off if you take a risk and don't!

Get their home phone number and address, real name, email, and car registration. If they won't even give you their phone number, SERIOUSLY DON'T MEET THEM!

THE MEETING

Meet in a public place, like a munch, a cafe, or restaurant and try to steer away from pubs and alcohol; getting tipsy will cloud your judgment.

Take care of what you drink! If you have read the paper or seen the news you will know about drinks being spiked!

Try to have one meeting at a munch, where you can introduce them to others with more experience or for an unbiased opinion. If they object, reassure them that munches are where people who are into BDSM meet in a friendly, social way; where they can learn, pass on information and get to know each other. If they still object, then SERIOUSLY DON'T MEET THEM!
Listen to what they say. One crazed individual would tell his victims exactly what he was going to do to them, yet they still met him. When he got them alone he did just what he said he would! I wont go into details here, but they eventually caught him and put him away forever.

Listen to your instincts, don't get carried away. Yes you're excited, you have waited a long time and this could be the one. Take your time, listen to them, ask questions about their experience, and listen for (and do hear) those warning bells.
Watch out for signs such as "I don't believe in safe words", "a true sub doesn't have limits" or "leave that to the experienced Dom/me".

OK this bit is basically common sense, the same as in the vanilla world when meeting someone. But in BDSM you can find yourself naked, bound and helpless. Think! Would you feel safe with them?

  • Do keep to a timetable, let friends know where and what time you are meeting and when you are leaving.
  • Don't change the meeting place at the last minute or leave it for another.
  • Do leave the meeting alone and on time.
  • Do check timetables for trains or buses home, you don't want to be stranded and in need of a lift!

Do arrange to call a friend, at a certain times during the meeting and again when it ends and of course when you get home, along the lines of a silent alarm, more of which later.
OK so you have met several times, hopefully a munch was on during this time or your friends were passing at one meeting and met and liked them too. So now you have arranged your first private meeting where you can play.

SILENT ALARMS/SAFE CALLS

Most people you meet will be genuine but there is always that tiny percentage who are not, so protect against them and do use a silent alarm (sometimes called a Safe Call). 
Tell the person you are meeting that you always arrange one, during first, second and third meetings. If they object for any reason, DON'T MEET THEM!

SETTING ONE UP

What is a silent alarm? Where you ring a trusted person at a pre-arranged time to confirm you are all right.

It's a good idea to ring them when you arrive at the address to confirm it.
Then get them to ring you back straight away to check you have been given the right phone number and to let the person you are with know that someone knows where you are.

If your meeting will be in a car, again phone your friend to confirm the registration number. If you go to a hotel, again call and let them know the hotel address and room number. If you are meeting at your home call your friend and let them know your visitor has arrived. I am sure you get the idea.

Your silent alarm will expect you to call at a pre-arranged time, give or take 15 minutes. Do remember, you have a responsibility to call them. If you fail they will be contacting the police! So use the alarm in your cell phone or wristwatch, to remind you. If you don't they must first try to contact you at the number given, your cell phone or bleeper.

You will need an "everything's all right" word and a "things are going wrong" word. This should be something you would use in normal conversation. For instance, you tell them "Hi yes (your nick name) is all right" meaning everything IS all right or "hi yes (your Christian name) is all right" meaning something is WRONG.

This they can re-check with something like "I am sending (name of friend) a birthday card, want me to put your name to it?", you say "put (your Christian name) with love and kisses on it", confirming something IS wrong. 
Okay, this may sound a bit cloak and dagger, but if it's gone wrong then your conversation might be monitored so keep it chatty and normal.

At this point your silent alarm calls the police and tells them your name and the person's name and address, car registration and any other facts they have been given by you (so make sure you get them!). They tell them you're being held against your will and may even be hidden somewhere in the house.

YOUR SILENT ALARM MUST NOT GO THERE ON THEIR OWN, OR EVEN WITH FRIENDS!

Leave it to the police, they are the experts and know how to deal with this situation. Silent alarms are not new and the police are aware of them. Your silent alarm should offer to go there, but only with the police.

DON'T FORGET

DON'T forget to cancel the silent alarm when you have left or have got home. You don't want the police arresting your long-waited-for newfound partner because you forgot!

DO REMEMBER you're not the first person to use a silent alarm. Experienced as well as new people use them, at first, second and third meetings. 
They may be a nuisance and take up time, but you are eliminating the dangers so you can relax and enjoy yourself which makes them more than worthwhile!

IF IN DOUBT, ASK! AT MUNCHES, ONLINE, IN CLUBS

For further information read "SM101" by Jay Wiseman or "Screw the roses send me the thorns" by Philip Miller and Molly Devon. Both can be purchased from Amazon through there Books section.

The below link will take you to a form to aid you in setting up a silent alarm/safe call.

*[SILENT ALARM / SAFE CALL FORM]*

Author: Postat - A Contribution by Postat remains with the author
Info: © 2002/2003 by Postat
Keywords: BDSM, Safety, BDSM Safe Calls, BDSM Safety

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